为您找到与幽默爆笑英语故事合集4篇 英语笑话大全相关的共200个结果:
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
很高兴认识你
在第二次世界大战中,有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作,当然遇到了许多男士,包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说,“我明天就要出国,但如果我们能够相互写信,我会很高兴。”琼同意了,于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来,他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信,告诉她,他受伤了,住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院,她对护士长说,“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢,是的,”琼说,“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你,”护士长说,“我是他的母亲。”
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A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog. She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
一个妇人走进一家宠物店,看见一只很可爱的小狗。她问店主:“你的狗咬人吗?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”
店主说:“不,我的狗不咬人。”
The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her.
于是这个妇人试着抚摸小狗,可是小狗却咬了她。
“Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
“哎哟!”妇人说,“我想你刚才还说你的狗不咬人。”
The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”
店主人回答说:“那不是我的狗。”
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下面是读文网小编整理的9个爆笑英语幽默故事,希望大家喜欢!
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight."
Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."
Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
拳击和赛跑
丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友:“这是一个粗暴的世界,所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”
朋友:“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大,健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?”
丹:“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语爆笑幽默笑话,希望对大家有帮助。
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
姑娘找到媒人,说:“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼,你以前为什么不告诉我?” “怎么没告诉你?”媒人也不甘示弱,“你们第一回见面后,我就说,他一眼就看中你了。”
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在繁忙的生活中,也要偶尔放松自己的心情。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默爆笑英语小故事四则,欢迎大家阅读!
Whenever my husband, Ben, does minor work on the car,he invites our six-year-old grandson, Jake,to help.
每当我丈夫贪,给汽车进行大检修时,他总是叫我们六岁的孙子杰克来帮助.
One day,Jake's Daddy asked him, "What does Grandpa pay you for all that help you give him?"
有一天,杰克的爸爸问他:“你帮爷爷干了那么多的活,他给了你点什么?”
Hands on hips,Jake Looked at his Daddy in the eye and replied,"Grandpa pays me attention.”
杰克双手放在屁股上,紧盯着爸爸的眼睛,回答说:“爷爷给了我足够的重视.”
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在繁忙的生活中,也要偶尔放松自己的心情。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默爆笑英语故事,欢迎大家阅读!
A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters,he wrote,"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”
二战中,汤姆和我刚结婚几个月,他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中,他写道:“我想把海军战舰纹刻在胸前。”
Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo,and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "
我没有劝阻,只是简单地回了信:“给我寄一张你纹旁的照片来,然后我也在我的胸前仿纹一个。”
We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.
我们现在已结婚51年了,谁也没纹过身。
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“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来趣味幽默英语小笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
The English author, Richard Savage, was once living inLondon in great poverty. In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life, but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops, and Savage was living from hand tomouth. As a result of his lack of food he became very ill, but after a time, owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him, he got well again.
英国作家理查德·萨维奇一度在伦敦过着贫困潦倒的生活,为了赚几个钱,他曾写了有关他自己生平的故事。但是这部书在书店里并没有卖出几本,萨维奇过着朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物,他病得很厉害。后来,由于给他治疗的那个医生的高明医术,他才又恢复了健康。
After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits, but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it. The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. But still no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money. Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment, saying to Savage, “You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.”
过了一两个星期之后,医生给萨维奇送来了一张讨要诊费的帐单,但是贫穷的萨维奇没有钱来偿付。医生等了一个月后又送来了帐单,但仍然未索回分文。几个星期之后,他又送来帐单要钱。最后,医生本人来到了萨维奇的家中,对他说:“你明白,你是欠我一条命的,我希望你有所报答。”
“I agree,” said Savage, “that I owe my life to you, and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”
“是的,”萨维奇说,“我是欠你一条命,为了向你证明我对你的诊治不是不报答,我将把我的命给你。”
With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled,The life of Richard Savage.
说着这番话,萨维奇递给医生两卷书,名叫《理查德·萨维奇的一生》。
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“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来爆笑幽默英语笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(严格地,严厉地).
古代有一个国王,他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样,受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前,警告说,哪个男人胆敢不说实话,就会受到严厉的惩罚。
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(劝告,建议) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
然后,他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧,只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(胆小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
国王说:看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉,真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋,为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
陛下,那人尖声地回答:因为在我出门之前,我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。
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“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默英语小笑话精选,欢迎大家阅读!
A person with six children or a person with $6 million, who is better satisfied? Why?
一个有六个孩子的人和一个有600万美元的人,谁更满足?为什么?
The person with six children of course. Because the one with $6 million wants more.
当然是有六个孩子的那个,因为有600万美元那个还想要得更多。
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“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默爆笑英语笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help:
候诊室里坐着一位忧心忡忡的病人,当医生传唤他时,
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!"
他满面愁容的说:“医生,怎么办?我昨天误喝下一瓶汽油!”
"Oh, Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!"
医生回答他說:“喔..没关系啦!记得这几天不要抽烟!”
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从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默英语笑话带翻译,欢迎大家阅读!
Sam and a priest are driving one day and by a freak accident,have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished,but amazingly,neither Sam nor the cleric has a scratch on.
一天,山姆和一个神父都在开车,发生了一起反常的事故,他们俩的车头对头猛撞到一起。两辆车全毁了,但是意外的是俩个人都毫发未伤。
After the crawl out of their cars,Sam sees the priest’s collar and says,"So you’re a priest. I am Sam. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here unhurt. This must be a sign from God!”
他们从各自的车里爬出来后,山姆看到神父的领子说:“原来你是神父,我叫山姆。看看我们的车,全完了。然而我们还在这里,没有受伤。这一定是上帝的旨意!”
Sam is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here’s another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine did not break. Surely,God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune.”
山姆看着他的车说:“快来看看这儿,还有一个奇迹!我的车全毁了,但这瓶酒还没有碎。上帝肯定是想让我们喝掉它来庆祝我们的好运。
The priest nods in agreement. Sam hands the bottle to the priest,who drinks half of the bottle and hands the bottle back to Sam. Sam takes the bottle and immediate1y puts the cap on,then hands it back to the priest. The priest,baffled, asks,"Aren’t you having any,Sam?” Sam replies, "Nah...I think I'll wait for the police.”
神父点头同意了。山姆把酒交给神父,神父喝了一半然后又把酒还给山姆。他接过酒瓶迅速把瓶盖盖上,又把它给了神父。神父不解地问:“难道你不喝吗?山姆?”山姆回答:“嗯,我想我还是等着警察来吧。”
以上就是读文网小编为大家带来的幽默英语笑话带翻译,希望大家喜欢!
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“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。下面读文网小编为大家带来高中英语幽默笑话带翻译,欢迎大家阅读!
A fellow with a bad cough comes in to the pharmacy,walks up to the counter and asks for the pharmacist. A young clerk tells him that the pharmacist is not available. The man asks the young clerk if he can recommend anything for his cough. The clerk gives him a bottle of some medicine for his cough. The customer takes a big swig, then after a few minutes,with no apparent relief, he takes another, and another.
一个人咳嗽得非常厉害,他到药房去抓药。当他走近柜台找药剂师的时候,一个年轻的店员告诉他药剂师这会儿很忙。那个人就问这个年轻的店员能不能给他点药来止咳。那个店员就给他一瓶药水止咳,那个人就喝下一大口。过了几分钟,症状没有明显的好转,他就又喝了一大口,接着又一大口。
In a short while, the pharmacist returns,and sees his old friend,the customer with the cough, sitting quietly in a booth near the soda fountain. He says to his clerk that the fellow has never before stopped at the soda fountain.
过了不久,药剂师回来看到他,那咳嗽的老朋友,安静地坐在冰柜旁。他对他的店员说,那个人从来没有在冰柜旁逗留过,现在是怎么回事?
The clerk proudly tells the pharmacist the story of his transaction. The pharmacist looks at the recommended medication and angrily reprimands the clerk for recommending a laxative,instead of cough syrup. The clerk reminds the pharmacist whatever the mode, the medication was effective. The pharmacist replies,"Now, he’s afraid to cough!”
那个年轻的店员把自己处理的办法自豪地告诉药剂师。药剂师看着他给的药,严厉地责备店员怎么能用泻药而不是止咳糖浆来止咳。店员提醒药剂师,不管什么方法,药开始起作用了。药剂师反驳说:“现在他是不敢咳嗽了!”
以上就是读文网小编为大家带来的高中英语幽默笑话带翻译,希望大家喜欢!
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笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。下面读文网小编为大家带来英语小幽默笑话带翻译,希望大家喜欢!
First woman:"Working full time and trying to do the housework really gets to me. After work yesterday I came home and washed the clothes and the dishes. Tomorrow I have to wash the kitchen floor and the front windows..."
第一个妇女:“工作一整天后还要做家务,可真够我受的。你看,我回家后要洗衣服、洗碗。明天,我还要擦洗厨房的地板和前门的窗户……”
Second woman:"What about your husband?"
第二个妇女:“那你丈夫呢?”
First woman:"Absolutely not! He can wash himself.”
第一个妇女:“他绝不用我洗,他自己会洗。”
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阅读英语笑话是我们放松的一种方式,下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默搞笑英语小笑话,欢迎大家阅读收藏!
On her return from school,little Dolly, aged ten,was pulled on to her Daddy's knee,and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise-a little baby brother.She seemed glad,and presently said:
放学回到家里,十岁的小多莉被拉过来坐在她爸爸的膝上,她被告知那天仙女们带来了一个大大的惊奇—一个婴儿小弟弟。她似乎很高兴,马上说:
"Will you give me a stamp,daddy?I want to write and tell brother Tom.
“爸爸,你能不能给我一张邮票?我要写信告诉汤姆哥哥。”
The father was touched by this,and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother,who was away at school.Later,curious to know how she would tell the news,he took an opportunity to read what she had written.He received something of a shock on reading the following:
父亲被这话感动了,他为小姑娘提供了给她哥哥写信所需的各种用具,她的哥哥住在学校里。后来,想知道她是怎么报告这个消息的,他找机会读了她写的信。在读到下面这两行字时,他差点儿惊呆了:
“Dear Tom,
“亲爱的汤姆:
It's come off today.You've lost;it's a boy.”
今天结果出来了,你输了;是个男孩。”
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